It Hasn't Really Sunk In ...

First day back after Levaya. Seniors all depressed. My class had a session with Rabbi where we talked about things that I don't give a hang about, like What if I complete my tachlis? I don't want to die yet! I was falling asleep so I had some caffiene and then was completely desensitized for the rest of the day and was laughing with people, while an undercurrent kept washing over me and I felt a deep sadness even though when I thought about it, I really can't comprehend that she's truly gone. I try to picture the corpse from the hearse yesterday, but it doesn't work. I just can't assimilate the fact.
On the note that I was completely crazy today, I finally found someone I didn't even know I was looking for: someone who is sitting in her seat, practically jumping and giddy with excitement for the next installment of my current story. It just makes me feel so good. I am officially a writer.