Rant of the Fatigued
Hello world at large! I'm trying to find something positive about you. Maybe if you tuck me into bed a wee bit earlier I'd be a wee bit happier. Maybe if I had more possessions, I'd have more to do. Maybe if I had less possessions, I'd be a wee bit free-er. Maybe if I had more friends, I'd do a lot more. Maybe if I had less friends, I'd enjoy myself a lot more. But only if they were good friends. Very good friends. Friends who could tell my mood at the drop of a hat and be able to do something about it. Tell me, world, are there really such people? Because they just seem to be passing me by. Why aren't you producing such friends for me? I give my life over to you, why can't you give me other lives to make up for it? Why must I sit in hard desks and fume at self-righteous students and teachers who take advantage of their power? Why isn't there someone next to me whispering in my ear that they're all bitches? Why do I have to tell it to myself? I tell myself enough things without having to criticize the stupid things in life.
Ahhhhhhhh. I suppose someday I shall meet such people. Someday. Someday ...
posted by Lela Harbinger at 4:35 AM
4 Comments:
don't worry - you don't have to spew wisdom to make anything better. least of all me.
I'm going to do a tsiona and spew spiritual stuff but know that it's coming from my heart and that I mean it. Okay, here goes...: There are indeed such people as those you have described. If you haven't met them yet, it's because the Aibishter doesn't think they need to be in your life just now. Someone once told me that the suffering we goes through strengthens us, our characters and our souls. Think about that when you have mussar shoved down your throught instead of gently presented to you. The fact that you are aware that the system you are in does not suite you is amazing in and of itself. others might try to conform. you know better. If you find yourself criticising the stupid things in life think of the following phrase: "Don't sweat the small stuff". there are so many bigger things in life that need your attention. like your happiness. your sanity. it's hard not to sweat the small stuff but when you think of life at large, things like high school really become the small stuff that isn't worth your worrying about. now it definitely seems otherwise because this is where you are in life now, and don't really have a choice to be elsewhere.
despite what the other siblings might say, it does get better. i happen to be miserable at this point in sherut but at least i chose it. and soon i'm going to study horses, what i want to study. once you get to choose your own path, life takes a very different turn. there will still be terrible days, you will still have to put up with bitches and tell yourself that that's what they are. But you get to choose everything. it's like the American Girl plays on the computer we used to do. YOU get to choose the time and setting. The Aibishter will help you go the way that's best for you, and if you have to suffer before you get there first, know that the Aibishter is there with you, carrying you on His shoulders, and that this is a necessary stage in your life, despite the intense pain. I know exactly what you feel, so I'm here to listen. I can do more than sympathise with you, Liege, I can empathise. (Remember Funny Face, where she explains how wonderful empathy is?) talk to me, liege, i'm here. i want to listen.
btw, what's up with "laughing atlas" as your new address?
one thing in your post struck me as funny: the power-striken teachers. i can't stand those types. i just stumbled across your site. very nice and tasteful.
the liege...I'm coming! stupendous man is on the way! I'll be in chicago tomorrow evening... btw who is this sminkelmyer person? (sounds like a mix between a gnome and a hasidic rabbi) It's cool that they stumbled upon your blog... I also liked the power hungry teachers. I too have to contend with such types. more anon.
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