Woes of the Liege
We had a class shabbaton this week; I stayed at BR's house with BB and DJ. We were late to nearly everything - including parshat zachor, which we made up in the afternoon - but I had a great time. It was weird being the only one who davened.
Motzei shabbos we went cruising, then came back and watched TV for about three hours. Any of you see the eighties movie "Satisfaction"? Julia Roberts, Justine Bateman, or something like that.
Papa's back from his cult thing.
I really hate that I'm so codependent on other people. I wish I could just be a bubble in school, not give a damn what they all think of me - I wouldn't care about the labeled 'social climber' who snubs me, the girl who I thought was looking out for me, the girl who says things like "It's okay with me if we're friends, but when you disrupt the class it really annoys me" as if I'm some charity case who's getting on her nerves, the people who so obviously don't listen when I talk. I hate that I have to be accepted by everyone, and can't just go on with a "hi" to people who are closer to me than others. It definitely doesn't help that every month I get depressed anyway.
posted by Lela Harbinger at 10:43 PM
2 Comments:
I'm not going to give the "it's an Ungar curse" crappe. But I am exactly like that too. Except I don't seek out attention/approval from my peers. I look for it in guys. The male attention in my life, childhood, whatever, was robbed from me and that's why I turn to men to fulfill my needs. But slowly I'm realising that they can't give it to me. I stroke my soul by telling it that I'm okay. Every human wants attention and approval. I cradle my soul like Ema when she held me when I was upset about something. It's okay to want the attention. The pain will help shape you and make you grow. I am here to listen and comfort your woes, Liege, but try cradling your soul and telling it that everything's going to be okay.
wow, good advise from the Jelly. Yeah, everyone has this problem, and if they deny it, they're lying. The point is to try to develop a discriminating eye, to choose those people whose opinion you respect (few and far between) and care what they think. Easier said than done. I still want every woman to fall in a feint over me, regardless of how moronic they are... but we are struggling...
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